CoDa
This page is about CoDependency.
I am a codependent myself and one of the main reasons I started this Blog is to get my thoughts, emotions, feelings and words down on paper (sorta speak). I believe it will be theraputic, calming, and benificial for me.
There is not a day that goes by that I dont remind myself to avoid the codependant habbits that I have unfortunately, learned and incorporated into my daily life. One of them being a control freak. This is not a major issue in my life right now as there is just me and my son living here. In a way tho, I have to be controling as my son is ony 12 and needs a measure of order in his life. We have a great relationship and communication is very good. I do tend to be rather possessive and controlling about my specific job duties (at work) and feel that I am the only one that can do them correctly. I know thats not true, heck, anyone can do my job, but I still feel I do it best.
One thing I strive to do with everybody in my life is have good communications. I truely believe that communication is the key to good relationships no matter who the person is; parents, family, friends, kids, boy/girlfriends, etc. I do have a slight problem w/this tho. I tend to tell people everything. I believe they have a right to know what going on in my life and I have a right to know whats going on in theirs. I do not judge people, but accept them they way they are. I am very open w/everything, every topic and every issue. This often gets me in trouble tho. People cannot handle my openess and very often they tend to leave me. But as they say, when one door closes, another opens.
One major issue of being codependant is always wanting to change the person for the better. This, however, is not me. I am the opposite. I will take the person the way they are, not trying to change them, but accepting them and living w/them just the way they are. I express my feelings and thoughts, so they know I dont like some things they do, but I do not try and change them. I figure if they want to change they will. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesnt.
On the Flip side of change is trying to help people by helping them solve their problems. Since I tend to be easy to talk to, everyone comes to me w/their problems. Being Codependant, I totaly thrive on this. I know this is a trait of codependency and I am continually working on it. However, I still feel obligated in some strange way, to try and help my friends w/their problems. I dont try and change them, I just be there for them, talkto them and give advise. The “being there” part is where I get in trouble. Everyone is welcome to come over to my house, but the rule is they must call first. So I tend to have lots of late night visitors from friends that need to talk. Talk is all we ever do and its very draining sometimes. Exspecially when I need lots of sleep and they interupt my sleep. Sometimes they wake me up at midnight and need to talk. I am working on saying NO! and I know thats also a trait of being codependant, and I am working on this one too.
Another aspect of codependency is not letting go. I want to be friends w/everyone, I want to end boy/girlfriend romantic relationships happily when that time comes, and I want to remain friends. There is only 2 people in my entire life that I do not speak to anymore (one is because I cannot find them). This eats away at me, but I have to remind myself that this is their choice and Not mine. I cannot control what the other person wants and I have to accept them they way they are. I truley believe it is great to have as many friends as one can have. Friends are great contacts, great resources, great outlets, just great in every aspect. We cannot be hermits and live alone forever; humans are social creatures and need to be around others. I do tend to hibernate every once in a while, but I also do need to go out w/friends and party too ! Life is so full of ups and downs and all-arounds. Its just so great to be alive I want to share it w/as many friends as I can. I truely love each and every one of my friends, even the 2 that dont talk to me anymore.
I have copied some Quotes that have helped me in my life. I hope they bring a smile to your face as they did to mine; see the Quotes Tab 
