Lone Black Spider

I have been kinda keeping to myself lately. I have been getting too involved in the life of my BFF. So, this week I have been practicing ‘detachment’ . Its a codependant term that basicly mean taking oneself away from the problem and letting it, or him in this case, work it out for himself. He does not need me to keep pestering him, he’s a big boy and can do it all alone. I have been quietly working on How NOT to Relapse After Rehabilitation from my codependant ways. I hope he understands as I have not talked to him for about 4 days. *sigh*

XO

I totally believe that things happen for a reason. It is rather strange how things just happen to fall into my lap sometimes. With all my ponderings on men and dating and boyfriends, this is actually just what I need. There is a website that has a listing of men that are abusive (physically and mentally) to women. Women share their stories with other women and can post the name of these men on the site in order to warn other women who might be considering dating these abusive guys. This is a Date Screening Website. I never knew there was anything out there like this! I personally think it is wonderful! There are also a ton of free resources for women as well; medical advice, forums and other specialist designed just for us women.
So to all women out there, me included, screen your man before you get in over your head. Let me tell you, from experience, its no fun having a psycho husband or boyfriend.

Since I seem to be on the topic of men these days, I think I should get down on paper, sorta speak, how our Christmas Day went when the X came over.

Last we heard from him (this is my X husband and the father of my son) was Januay 2007. Not a peep all year. He calls Chrismas Eve and says he is coming over at 11AM Christmas Day. Notice how he doesnt ask, he just informs me of this. Of course I do not resist, cuz if I do just one itty bitty thing to piss him off, he turns into this nutcase.

Anyways, he was only about 7 minutes late this time. Last Christmas he made us wait for about 2 hours. Needless to say, we were shocked when he was ‘on time’. He only stayed about one hour. He reeked of smoke! stunk like high h*ll! I could not look him in the eyes either, he totally creeps me out; hair is a mess, unshaven, and under the smoke smell, it seemed like he had not bathed in days. He didnt say much this year. It was really wierd. Last year he was blabbin’ constantly non stop about his new ‘kids’ and when we could all get together. He, last year, had a 19 year old, 12 year old and 7 year old (step kids I assume)and a new women. I never found out if he got remarried, but this year, not a peep! I can assume he’s not with them anymore as he always has to brag to me about how Great his life is and how mine sucks. har har har. He has no idea what my life is and that the way it is going to stay!

He gave my son some chocolates, some home made cookies that smelled like smoke (which we threw away) and $100 bill. I must say tho, the cash was nice. Cash is a great gift.

After that he left. So I stressed out for no apparent reason. So I hope.
He did not mention coming back, getting together in the near future, nothing! This is so wierd. Makes me wonder what he has brewing in his messed up brainthis time…..in the past he tried to burn down my best friends house and was the only suspect for attempted homicide in that fire.

XO

Well here I sit on a quiet Wednesday night. My son has a friend over, so I actually get a couple hours of uninterupted peace. I decide to log into Yahoo Chat, which I tend to do on occation cuz I love to chat! so fun, Anyways this guy pulls me up. I call him Flyboy, as I have nicknames for each and everyone of my chat friends. K, so the story goes, I met him online like months ago, cant even remember when, but I do remember that he called me a “flake” in his last email, and said some terribly rude things to me cuz I had to break a date. K, I broke the date like 6 days in advance! It was not like the same day or anything. I could not get a sitter for my son and explained the entire thing to him, but he still called me a flake and was slammin’ me and pretty much yelling via email. (oh, and you need to know that he lives one hour away and was expecting me to drive to him. such a gentleman, not) He was so rude in that email, but I still laughed hysterically cuz it was all speculation on his part cuz he does not know me and my situtation w/the X.

Anyways, I delete all emails,address and chat links. He must have not done the same to me, cuz low and behold, there he was. Acting if nothing happened. Me, who remembers everything, nicely replys to his bombardment of questions; did I find a keeper yet (whats a keeper? I have no clue whats he talking about) Am I seeing anyone, ya know, the basics. No, I still answer nicely, cuz I am not a rude person, I have my blog to vent on ! (like now!) So we start taking about Blogs, I say I am making a little cash, he asks if I quit my job. good gosh. he has no idea what a blog is. I am actually surprized that people out there dont know about this! We talked all little about January and February and how my nutso friends come out and bug me cuz they know I am codependant. He asks what I am codependant on. LOL, I was ROTFL ! ! I guess he really doesnt know what that is either.

Anyways, he stopped chatting after I while. but I am proud, I was nice; did not bring up the past, was not rude, and didnt make any snide comments (which I am known to do).

So thats the highlight of my nite. It was a good night. I think I will go back over to my nice and toasty fire, send my son’s friend home, have a cup of Hot Chocolate in the new Mug my son gave me for Christmas, and watch Pushing Daiseys.

Ain’t life wonderfull! I am happy.

XOXOX

You got to love Non Profit organizations. I know a few people that are involved in them, manage them and that is their main focus; I really look up to them. Since we are so involved in Scout stuff, one of the main things we need to do is help with community service for at least 6 hours. Last summer we did a project for a group that helps women and their kids get back on their feet after being abused by their partners. It was such an eye opener for me and my son. Even though I have been in a similar situation, it is nice to know that there is help out there and that no one needs to go it alone. We talked to the director and she was such a great person. I cannot name this organization as they are very private so that the abusive person will not find them. They would not even give us their address until the morning of our project. Anyways, many of them are in debt and looking for debt consolidation. This organization will help them with managing their funds, find lower interest rates and basically teach them to live by their own means. They get their own place to live and the security of the organization.

Being Christmas time and all, I feel so very lucky to be where I am today.

XO

I totally loved watching The Dating Game on TV way back when. I thought it was so fun to watch people meeting new people, asking them questions, just the whole Dating thing.

However, in our day and age, its a little different. Here I sit, 40 something and I cant seem to decide if I want to get back into the Dating Game. So much time and effort need to go into Dating. Do I really want to do that? Right now in my life, I am actually happy. I like being a Mom, doing Scouts stuff, piano stuff, school stuff, not having to worry about finding a sitter, having enough money for gas, dinner and movies, getting dressed up, and the list goes on. I am worried tho, that I might be getting lazy in my old age. I like siting at home watching TV after a long days work. I like having my Cat sit on me keeping me warm, I like spending time w/my son, I like this boring life! I like hibernation. ugh.

So. I need to figure out what I want. That is so very hard for me since I am codependant. I can tell everyone else what to do w/their lives, but when it comes to my life, I am clueless. I dont know what to do. I am not in control (another aspect of codependency). And I dont like it.

XO

I am very luck to work at a business that is very diverse. We have meeting, gatherings and discussions on just about every topic imaginable. The most recent topic is Domestic Violence. I myself, have been in a past relationship w/violence; so this comes from my heart. It is an article that was passed out at my workplace.

Domestic Violence encompasses a wide range of acts committed by one partner against another in an intimate relationship. This may occur in a variety of relationships; married, separated, divorced, dating, heterosexual, gay or lesbian.

Domestic Violence is a pattern of behaviors, some causing physical injury, others not, some criminal, others not, but all are psychologically damaging. Frequently, Domestic Violence includes threats of violence, threats of suicide, or threats to take children from the abused person. It may also include breaking objects, hurting pets, yelling, driving recklessly to endange or scare the abused person, isolating family members from others and controlling resources like money, vehicles, credit and time.

The Goal of the abusive person is to establish and maintain control over his or her partner, without intervention, domestic violence may become lethal.

There is NO excuse for Domestic Violence.

National Hotline - Domestic Violence 1 800 799 SAFE

Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don’t.

Believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance , TAKE IT!
If it changes your life , LET IT!

Nobody said it would be easy…
They just promised it would be worth it!

XOXO
Chris