I am happy today. Mostly because I can put my socks on with out screaming in pain. I have figured out that my relative happiness is determined by how much physical pain I am in. If I am in no pain, I am very happy; lots of pain, not happy. I can also relate my happiness to my weight. Thin, happy; fat, miserable. Plus, I can only date and go out w/guys when I feel relatively thin enough to be seen w/them. and right now there is this pretty hot guy I really want to see again, but I cant cuz I need to loose 3-5 more lbs!

I know I am pretty messed up that way, and I have really tried to change, but I gave up and it ain’t gunna happen. So, my goal is to stay happy. To do that I have to be thin and pain free. Wow. What a goal.

Reading over this makes me laugh hysterically. sheesh.

XO